I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it through not dying

I have a tendency to tell stories that were funny initially (meaning, when they actually occurred) but lose all sense of humor when I attempt to recreate the situation. With that being said, I'm going to tell you what I heard on the radio this morning:
I was listening to the 103.1 9:30 news (as I do everyday, it comes on right as I'm running late for work) and laughing (out loud) at this guy's take on Macaulay's testimony at the MJ trial...he compared it to saying "OJ didn't murder me so he must be innocent" like if he didn't molest Macaulay then he's not a pedaphile, in case you didn't get that. Then he said (this is him as Culkin) "I was the hottest 10 year old in the world, how could he not want a piece of me?" Guy, you're funny. They also created the mental image of him being on the stand with his hands on his cheeks, Home Alone style. It's an old joke, but I couldn't help laughing. This doesn't say much for it actually being humourous- I laugh a lot, as you can tell. The end.

So MSN made a list of ten ways to live longer. I personally like to plan ahead, but that's mainly for trips and what I'm doing next weekend. I guess I should think about planning on not dying....it just seems so far away. But you know, I'll just keep putting it off and putting it off them bam! I'm dead. If that's the case then I better focus on quality of life if longevity isn't in the cards for me. Live each day as if it's my last. If that were the case, on my last day of being alive, I'm writing a blog during my lunch break. Carpe diem! Anyway, here's the list:

1. Don't oversleep
2. Be optomistic
3. Have more sex
4. Get a pet
5. Get a VAP
6. Be rich
7. Stop smoking
8. Chill out
9. Eat your antioxidants
10. Marry Well

Well MSN, here is what I think of your stupid list:

1. I always oversleep because hitting that snooze alarm just one more time really does make a difference.
2. Everyday sucks just as much if not more than the day before.
3. I haven’t had sex in ages with someone whose name I actually remember
4. I would get a pet if a) I could even keep a plant alive or b) my landlord would let me. And if I didn’t hate animals.
5. What the fuck is a VAP?
6. Be rich? Oh, I didn’t realize it was that easy to just “be rich”. Okay- poof, I'm rich.
7. Easier said than done- I've been "quitting" for five months. Plus, cigarrettes make you look cool.
8. You chill out.
9. I hate antioxidants. I avoid them at all costs.
10. Does this mean marry someone nice or marry someone rich? If it means nice, then okay, that makes sense. If it means marry rich, you’re just repeating yourself (see #6).

On a final note, MSN also had this to say: If you really want to live longer, then you can start with your attitude.
I'm fucked.

R.